Dating a pleaser
If you have a People-Pleasing Pattern, you often try to be who others want you to be, to agree with them, to fit in.You may not be consciously aware that you are doing this, but there is a part of your psyche that wants to please others in order to avoid reactions that you are afraid of.If coached, they may be willing to try and hold their spouse, but certainly would not ask for a holding in return. They have to experience comfort in order to value it.
Personality patterns aren’t the same as personality types.Controllers and Pleasers Often Marry As I mentioned, the two life-styles I counsel most are controllers and pleasers, and there is a simple reason for this.Controllers often marry pleasers (the old opposites attract influence) and then the controllers, more often than not, give the pleasers a bad time.If you struggle with this, here are some tips that might help: 1) Cultivate awareness If you're like me, people-pleasing has been something you've done for a lifetime. Notice when in your heart you genuinely want to do something for someone versus when you're doing something just because someone else wants you to, or you want to manipulate the situation, or you fear consequences if you don't do it.It's a deeply ingrained habit with its roots in the way you view yourself and the world. Learning the difference will help you make better choices for yourself.
She cried a lot and all those emotions were a bit overwhelming for him, but he is trying to grow and he did a good job. First, if we are going to be transformed into the image of Christ, we need to be able to feel. Second, holding gives an opportunity to receive what was missed as a kid. I cannot tell you how often I hear from the spouses of avoiders, “He or she does not need me.” Avoiders need to learn to receive.